allowed podcast transcript header with caneel joyce

Episode #9: Restore Yourself Like a Rockstar

Welcome to Allowed. I’m your host, Caneel Joyce. Even the most conscious leaders who always are living in their Zone of Genius and doing all of their morning meditations and journaling practices still sometimes find themselves burnt out, fried, or taking on workaholic tendencies. If this describes you, this is your episode. A secret I've recently learned is that there is a restorative part of your Zone of Genius. That's right. There's somebody in you who knows how to rest and restore and rejuvenate like nobody else on the planet, and you finding your own natural rhythm and being able to succeed in a way that is vibrant and juicy and life-giving is hugely dependent on you finding the natural rhythm between living in an active and a restorative mode.

Today you will learn how to restore yourself in your Zone of Genius in a way that nobody else can. Self care does not have to be boring. It doesn't have to look like going to the gym or going to the spa. You're allowed to get creative with how you restore yourself, and in fact, it's essential to you living the life of your dreams. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to recover. You're allowed to take a nap and you're allowed to trust your natural rhythm. Welcome to the show.

Hey, it's Caneel. Thank you for coming back to the show today. This seems to be a time of great change for many of you. As this podcast slowly became known, I began receiving emails, DM's, reviews, and learning a little bit about each of your journeys and what this podcast has meant for you.

Hearing your stories really gives me a good sense of who's out there listening and how can I serve you? What can I bring to the table as a space or an experience or a provocation, a challenge that can really support you in exactly where you are. So it's really, really useful. And I like to appreciate those of you who take the time to do this here on the show because it is so valuable. I received this through a DM on Instagram and it really touched me and reminded me that we're all at very, very different stages in our lives and in our journeys and that some of us just benefit so tremendously from the sense that there is a helping hand out there. And that very simple thing was very grounding for me. And I think this show does not have to be complicated.

It just needs to be there for you. So this is what she wrote, "I've never listened to a podcast before, but I'm fascinated by yours and plan on hearing every single one you make. You have no idea how much I need this help. I've been going through a lot and feel like your podcast will change my life. 'Heart.' Thank you so much for doing this." Wow. I'm not going to reveal your name. You didn't give me permission to do that. And as a coach, confidentiality is my business. But I do want to say that when I read that, you have no idea how much I need this help. I'm very moved. I'm very, very, very grateful for you that you have been showing up and giving yourself the space to receive help, which for some of us who like to help others and I know that you are one of them because I do know who you are. I know that that is a big leap for you. So you receiving help by being here means a lot to me.

Listeners, it is awesome to share where you are in your journey. Partly so that you can just take stock of it and sharing it with others does give you a lot of support in transforming and kind of sealing in the learnings and growth that you've been going through. So please do take the time to celebrate yourself and share your doubts, your questions, your challenges, your stories. A lot of that is happening with our community and in our Facebook group and you can find the link to the Facebook group at caneel.com/podcast. If you were with us last week when we talked about living in your Zone of Genius, then we have a big treat for you today, which is learning how to restore in your Zone of Genius, restoring like a rockstar, like only you can.

We're going to get creative with this and we're going to find out what are the activities that really bring you back to life when you've put a lot of energy forth into the world. Being the leader that you are. I have been having the best time learning about the ways that I love to restore myself and getting creative with them and these ways have changed over the years. You know, I used to get a lot of restoration out of sitting in a bathtub for like three hours. This is when I was back in college, I'm going home to visit my parents over the weekend. I like go up into that bathtub and I'd bring a huge stack of books that were interesting to me and I would like candles and music and like a cup of tea and the whole thing. And that was really like when I came out of that bath, I was a new person.

I was finally recovered from burning the candle at both ends and partying and studying and working and all of the things I was doing and I was just back, you know, it was back and I was able to be present with my family. Now that I have kids restoration looks really different from me, but I have found that when I really bring my genius gifts into my restoration, I can restore like nobody's business and it's awesome and I feel fantastic. Some of my favorite ways to restore right now are doing breathing exercises which are highly efficient and also very effective and can be really interesting and fun. I also restore by doing a state shift. I've heard about this, it's like you go into a different element to you, you, if you're dry, you go into water. If you are warm, you go into cold.

If you are still, you're going to movement and vice versa. So one of my favorite state shift moves is I will in the evening when I get home from work and the kids have gone to bed or even before then and I'll take off my shoes, I will take off my socks and I will go outside into my yard and I'll stand on the ground. That's it. I stand on the grass and I just am there on the earth and I often look up at the sky, but there's nothing particularly celestial about this, I'm not a huge astrologer or anything like that or astronomer. I'm just feeling that ground under my feet. And I understand that this actually helps you to discharge some negative ions and different electrical charges that you've picked up throughout the day and as my producer Alayna will tell you for some reason I carry a really high electrical charge.

In fact, she had to wrap the cord of my own microphone, which I'm using right now. She had to wrap it with a bunch of layers of electrical tape because every time I would touch it, the mic would stop working. So I apparently zap things into non functionality all of the time, except when you know tech support comes in. Then of course everything starts working right away. I think my mom has the opposite tech charge because when she touches things they also stop working. But then when I arrive they start working again. So it's like a double negative because the positive, something like that. I don't know, but um, point is, I have a lot of charge as you might even be picking up on right now. So for me, discharging with that like slightly wet grass on the actual ground is huge for me and it feels really, really different from what I was doing before, which was having shoes on and being inside the house.

So it almost feels like it extends time and when I return I am feeling a lot better. I also have my little sleeping kit that I bring with me when I travel. And as a an executive coach, I do a lot of trainings and I do speaking and I guide offsite experiences for executive teams. So I'm on an airplane a lot. I often just do a there and back, same day LA to San Francisco and back. But if I do spend the night, I have found ways that help me sleep a lot better when I go to hotel rooms and I'm really, really proud of it. I brought my creativity into it and my sensuality. So I have my little eye mask which is made of silk. So that it is moisturizing to my 41 year old under eye skin. I have a silk pillowcase that is like a silvery gray color.

So I'll remember to bring it back home with me and I put that onto my pillow so that it's nice and smooth and it doesn't make a lot of noise when I'm turning my head around and my hair doesn't get all frizzy the next day. I also have a little heating pad that I bring with me cause I love falling asleep with the heating pad under me. I call it my Woobie, which is like, I don't know if you saw Mr. Mom like old eighties movie where, I guess that even was a title. Mr. Mom, are you serious? Because he was a dad who was taking care of his kid. They called him Mr. Mom. Still a fantastic movie that really illustrates for you what it's like to be a stay at home mom on many days. And the little kid carries around this old blankie that he called his Woobie and that's like me, that's like me with my heating pad.

So I have these things and I have, you know, a little essential oil and some hippie stuff that I'm into right now and I love it and I just know I'm going to have it. And when I get to the hotel room, I'm going to set it up and I'm going to be in my zone. I even have a special, like this wearable blanket, which is this big kind of fluffy scarf. And I wear it when I go on the airplane because I can easily go from hot to cold and back again. I can use it as a back pillow, I can wear it if I'm cold in my hotel room. Um, you know, it has a little bit of style to it and it's effortless. So I've got these little things I do that help me move through my life in my Zone of Genius.

Even when I'm really, really busy, I can quickly dip in and get into a restorative place and I restore in a way that's uniquely me. So I've brought a lot of my unique gifts in there, right? So one of my unique gifts is I create spaces of trust where transformation can happen. So all of these little ways that I create my cocoon, right? I'm covering up all of my body, I am covering up my eyes. I'm even covering up my pillow. All of that gives me that safe space where I can just say, "Oh, like I'm finally alone." Because even though I am an extrovert and I'm with people all day long, I do notice that I restore a lot better when I know that I will not be disturbed and when I'm alone and I create that space of trust where I can transform back into a balanced and rested human being.

And I find when I'm in that restorative place that I've created for myself, a lot of my biggest ideas come to life effortlessly. Like if I am on a walk in nature, another way that I restore myself, I get these massive downloads of, "okay, this is the new direction that I want to go with this piece of content." Or "here's what we want to do strategically" or "here's a different way that I want to be managing my team" or "this is a key that really could unlock something for a client." And my team knows, I love to use the app Voxer, you can look it up in the app store on iTunes. It's Voxer walkie-talkie and it's one of my favorites because it lets me go on the walk where I'm really like relaxing. And then as I have these big ideas come up, I can record a message with the tap of one button and it can be up to 15 minutes even.

And then my team gets it or one person on my team gets it and they can listen and they can even speed me up to four X speed, which if I'm rambling, they might do. I've done that sometimes with people. It's an awesome app so that helps me to like get into the creative space even though it's something that's really restorative for me. And why is this important? A lot of the activities that are in our Zone of Genius, which we've been talking about on previous episodes including last week. A lot of these activities tend to be forward facing, outward facing. They're public. A lot of these things are things we might think of as ways that we achieve in the world. However, a lot of our actual Zone of Genius, if we were to ask those people who know and love us most, they might reflect back things like, you are at your best when you are in nature.

You're at your best after you've done a journaling session, you are at your best in the bedroom. You know, there's a lot of things that others don't get to see, but that are really where we come to life and we're given energy and where we can help create a lot of value in the world. It's important for us to realize that we might be at our best, in our Zone of Genius, in ways that are visible and not visible to others, in ways that seem like achievements and in ways that don't, but yet, which help us to achieve or to create impact in the world. I discovered this through a client actually as we were doing my Zone of Genius process, which we also do in our Zone of Genius course. We were doing the Zone of Genius process in my year long leadership forum and she was reading back to us all of the feedback that she had received from her colleagues and friends and her family.

And one of the clear themes that came out as her Zone of Genius was being reflected back to her is she's in her Zone of Genius when she naps. And you know, I think some of us were like, "Oh my gosh, that's, that's really funny." And she, she said, "Oh yeah, I am a really good napper. I can fall asleep easily. I love taking naps. I set up that nap in this like very special way. It is. It's my, it's one of my favorite things to do. I'm definitely, I'm definitely naturally talented at taking naps." Boom. I started realizing on every single other client's page, there were also things that nobody else got to witness. Surfing alone, out in the big waves, hiking through nature, painting, organizing my closet, you know, studying documents and then synthesizing all of this information for my team.

There are a lot of things that are life-giving and where there's natural talent, but yet, which nobody got to see and maybe no one else even would ever find out about. And I realized that a lot of these clients, because I do know them so well, if they were to live only in their public facing active Zone of Genius, they would be the burnt out and fried person that they were when they first came to me. But that it's the balance. It's the balance of being forward facing and restorative or public impact, creating and private impact creating. That balance and the rhythm of that balance is what keeps us whole. So a lot of my high achievers, they get so excited when they identify their Zone of Genius because they're thinking to themselves, "sweet, I'm going to just do these things now all of the time. This is where I really get the gold stars."

But they neglect to either identify or listen to that Zone of Genius of theirs. That's the one that enables them to keep gas in the tank to begin with. So as you're going through this process of self discovery, it's going to be normal for the pendulum to swing and for you to sometimes have times where you, you're pushing yourself harder than was sustainable. And part of us learning what is sustainable for us is allowing that pendulum to swing and allowing ourselves to learn along the way, right? It's not going to be instant balance and perfection. But what I want to wake you up to is you very well might find your rhythm much faster if you decide to invest your Zone of Genius in your restoration. So that's what we're going to be diving into today.

So I want you to think about what are the things that you do that re enliven you. These might be things that are part of your daily routine already. You know, it might be a cold shower in the morning or warm bath at night. It might be going on a run, it might be doing some yoga either on your own or at a class. It could be reading. I know my husband gets a lot of restoration from reading when he's feeling kind of fried. He goes up to the bedroom and he grabs a big book, usually a piece of, you know, historic, um, biography and he could read 200 pages. And when he comes back from that, he's himself again. It could be writing in your journal. It could be being with your family, cooking for your family, being in a crowded dance floor or listening to a concert.

For me, those are really high on my list. I am like, I am full of energy after I've danced all night. That is a really, really good feeling for me. So it can look a variety of ways. It could look like you're a rock star. It could look like you're a hippie. It could look like you're a nerd. There's a bunch of ways that you could restore yourself. The question I want to ask is it genuinely restoring? Is it genuinely restoring you? Some of the activities that we tend to do when we're feeling fried seem like they would be restful and recuperative and healing, but they're not. For me, what comes to mind is sitting on the couch and watching television. Now there's one mode where I watch TV and I'm watching a brilliant movie or a really well done, beautifully produced TV show or music videos and I do feel like 1 million bucks when I'm done with that and I have a lot more energy, but a lot of the TV that is there to consume for me personally, actually does dull my senses, drains my energy, dampens my inspiration and my, you know, kind of my creative energy.

So I want you to really take a hard look at are the things I just put on my list, are they really restorative to me or is it how I numb out? There's a lot of us think that we're going to get rest when we just numb out. And that's actually what we call a hero move where you're trying to save yourself from your own feelings often because you don't think you're allowed to rest. And my husband's probably laughing right now because I know this one really well. I'm not a big napper, I'm not a huge rester, but I have ways I love to luxuriate and recuperate and they look a little different for everyone. So as you're looking at your list here, I hope that you've got some things on there that are really stirring you or you think like, "Oh yeah, that one really does it for me."

I want you to focus on just one single activity on this list. Think about the last time that you did it, where you really enjoyed it and when, when you were complete, you felt that sense of completion, you felt that I am re-energized, I'm calm, I'm creative, I'm balanced. I'm curious. So think about a time when this activity really gave you that wonderfully present feeling and thinking about yourself doing that activity. How did it feel inside? Really go inward here and connect to your body. So what were the sensations you felt in all of the different parts of your body?

You know, one of my restorative activities is singing and I can sing alone or I can sing with others or in front of people, but whenever I do it, I feel swirly inside. I feel like there's this kind of swirling feeling that comes up through, you know, my midsection through my trunk up into my chest.

But it kind of dissipates and feels really warm and juicy as it's like coming across my shoulders and down at my arms, like into my hands. It's such a juicy, curious, like soothing, warm feeling. It's like chocolate. It's like one of the best feelings that I can imagine and I can tap into that feeling by doing that activity and allowing myself to be in my Zone of Genius as I do it. I want you to really get that specific, like what's it like for you when you're doing your activity, whatever it is now, you could also think about when you're doing a public facing activity where you're also in your Zone of Genius, where you're doing the work that you are on this planet to do that, you're naturally gifted. It comes easily to you to do it well and to integrate a lot of value.

How do you feel then? You know, so I know one of mine is coaching, right? I'm an executive coach. When I'm working one on one with a client and we have found the thread, we have found the little nugget that we're going to pull out and examine and shine. That's the one that's going to help them to see the parts of themselves they weren't seeing before or give them the freedom and ease to really step into their full power. What are the feelings I have inside then? You guessed it. Swirly, juicy, curious. It's the same exact feelings I have when I'm in my restorative state. So you can kind of start in either place here, but the big thing is, is connecting into your body. Like how is it for me when I'm there? That's just helping you to tune your radar, to help you identify even more ways that you can live in your restorative genius.

Even if you're doing an activity that you think would not be restorative, you might be able to turn that feeling on and that feeling can help to restore you. So I could even be in my Zone of Genius sitting on the tarmac on an airplane for four hours if I'm reconnecting to that feeling and those memories. So a thing that I think is interesting about this idea of restoring and kind of going dark and not having all of my genius be visible is this actually maps really well onto two things. One is it maps on to the pattern that the planet Venus goes through as it goes around the sun. So Venus is a very unusual planet. It has a really different rhythm. I think the rotation even, or even, yeah, they're rotating around the sun actually goes in a different direction.

And its rhythm was really, really hard for farmers thousands of years ago to understand. They actually thought it was two different planets because some parts of its cycle, it shows up as a sunrise star and other parts of the cycle it shows up as a sunset star. So in some cultures it had two names. Now why are people watching it so closely? Because Venus was the planet that would guide the schedule for how to do agriculture. So the length of Venus' cycle is the same, is about nine months. It's the same length of time that it takes to grow corn. And so it was this highly reliable, seasonal cyclical indicator up in the sky every night. Here's where we are in that cycle and now it's time to plant. Now it's time to water, now it's time to reap and to sew, and I love that because you know, Venus is an iconically creative feminine force in our solar system just through you know, mythology and if you look back through ancient civilizations, it always has been and it has that symbolism for me.

Even when I hear that word and I think about the arrhythmic song, Venus was her name, right? Um, it's also something out of a sexy and juicy name that you often see in comic books. So it symbolizes for me this creative force. Then I learned about this thing about how Venus guided agriculture and growing of things. And when I think about planting seeds, I think about my own creative process that often I am planting a bunch of seeds and I don't yet know which of them is going to grow. I don't know which of my ideas is going to emerge as the one that's going to get to maturation. It's going to move forward. But I'm watering a lot of my seeds at one time. Sometimes when I'm in that phase of the cycle, I'm planting a lot of ideas often with my team on Voxer while I'm going on walks, sorry team.

And a lot of these things are kind of percolating and they are receiving nutrients from the environment around me, but I'm not like actively working on them. Right? They're just kind of there. They're incubating in my mind and they're receiving, you know, whatever, whatever else is around me at the time, right? So if I'm really treating myself well in those phases, even though I'm not actively creating and sending work out into the world, if I'm taking care of myself, like I'm doing my resting, I'm doing my sleep, I'm doing my singing, I'm doing my movement and I'm being with those I love and a lot of physical touch and a lot of affection with my family, then I know that those ideas, it's going to be much more clear to me which ones are going to grow. And those that do grow are going to grow in a much healthier way.

So I think of myself as the soil and the idea as as the seed and when I'm in that kind of nonproductive phase and I'm just like letting things percolate, that's me kind of going to the dark side of the moon, like Venus does, it goes and it hides around that dark side of the moon for a long, long time. Sorry. It becomes dark because it goes behind the earth. The sun. I think I'm messing this whole entire thing yet. But anyway, there's a rotation that happens. There's another orbit. It's rotating around and um, if I can't visualize it. If I can't visualize it, I can't really describe it very well, but I think you get my point here. So I go dark, it goes dark. It's this whole synchronicity of how we all are. We all learn like celestial beings right here on this planet earth, right?

I think it's the same for Zone of Genius where we might have a part of our own creative process where we go dark. Others can't see us. I even have a really good friend and she's famous for on occasion, she will go dark. She learned to start text messaging us before she did it because she would do it for weeks on end, sometimes a couple of months. And it was just a period of time where she just felt her energy dropping and she would honor it and she would just go in her little cave and stay mostly in her apartment. When she wasn't at work, she wouldn't interact with friends certainly. And she'd read and she'd write and she'd just recuperate and make tea and cook and all these things. And she started letting us know I'm about to go dark, I'll call you when I'm back.

And then we knew we could relax and that she was okay and that she was doing a good thing for herself. And she's one of the most creative individuals that I know. So I think there's a lot to be said for this. It's also, you know, think about real rock stars when they are creating an album. There's a long period of time where they're not in the studio and they are certainly not on the stage and we're not seeing them work. They might not even be actively songwriting or practicing, but they are in that incubation phase. They may be writing on their own or fiddling with their guitar in their room and just trying different things out. And it's only through this gradual process that their album comes out to the world and then we see them on stage and we get to hear it.

And then it seems like, "Oh, here you are in your Zone of Genius." Well guess what? They were in their Zone of Genius that whole time we couldn't see them too. And so are you. And I want you to know that you are totally allowed to go dark and you're allowed to recuperate and you're allowed to do it like a total badass. You can be a rock star when no one even sees you if you put your energy and creativity into designing some restorative activities for yourself and just get really, really curious about what brings me life. That's just mine and mine alone. What fills me up again when I've spent a lot out there in the world, what rebalances me when I'm feeling kind of fried and maybe even burnt out. When I am feeling burnt out, I've recently just been giving myself permission to go totally in my cave and be shy.

You know, last year I did this for like about a month and a half where I really was not very active out in the world. Turned down a lot of social invitations. I went on a family ski trip. I didn't even go skiing. I just went and did yoga for a couple of days while after taking the kids over to go, seeing with my husband, I just let myself journal and be alone and I would order coffee at Starbucks on my mobile apps sitting in the parking lot and then quickly go in to pick it up when I knew it was ready cause I didn't want to interact with anybody else. Now when I used to do that, I'd feel bad about it. Thinking like I should go in there and talk to people. No, that is my right. I'm allowed to restore. I'm allowed to go inward and to go dark. And so are you.

I want to invite you into the idea that maybe that's exactly what's needed. Maybe that's healthy for you. So just trusting our natural rhythms is a big part of showing up as conscious leaders of our life. Without rhythm, there is no building, there is no impact. So I really, really trust it and I trust yours and I trust you to listen and I'm so excited for you to discover what's in your restorative Zone of Genius.

Now I have for you a downloadable freebie that can really help you to identify what is in your Zone of Restorative Genius and to find more ways to fit it into your life. You can download that tool at caneel.com/podcast-9. There you can also find show notes. You can download a transcript if you like. We'll have a link to any other resources that I happened to mention in this show.

And you can also find a link to our Facebook community where you can join. And I love to see some photos of little things that you love to bring into your own restorative rockstar practices. So next week we're coming back to talk about the hero's journey. And in the hero's journey there's also a period of going dark. So I think it's a really interesting connection.

We're going to have on the show a guest, a really good friend of mine, a deep collaborator and a fellow partner in evolution. His name is David Shechtman and he has not only coached many a leader with this hero's journey process, but he's also designed a coach training program that was recently given permission to become a certification program with the ICF, the Coaches Federation. So now it's an official coach training program and it's offered by evolution. And the hero's journey is a big piece of how we do our work there.

I'm really excited for him to teach you about this. He's one of the best podcasting voices I know, and he's the only person I know of that almost every day somebody tells him you need to start a podcast. So we can't wait for you to hear his awesome voice and deep wisdom. And he's also, by the way, hilarious and very, very dry. So really excited to have him here. Please follow us on social, send us your questions that you have about this episode or any prior ones. I always love reading your reviews, which is where I want you to leave feedback and give us ideas for more things that you might want to hear on the show. Please rate us and comment. It makes a big difference and helps people who really could benefit from this material and this coaching time to find the show and we will see you next week.