Transcript #1: The Secrets that Transform your Life
Welcome to Allowed. I’m your host, Caneel Joyce. You’ve never been one to rest on your laurels. To kick back, sit on your hands and say, eh, it’s not that great, but it’s good enough. For you, personal growth is the journey of your life.
You have an insatiable desire to learn… So do I. In fact, for us, learning and personal growth is our favorite lifetime hobby. We’re interested in that process of finding out what part of ourself is going to shine next.
How can we become better? Better leaders of our own lives? Today we’re going to talk about the secrets that transform your life.
First, we’ll look at the secret methods and the mindsets, the amazing flip that opens a door that you probably didn’t even know was there. And this is the secret that allows growth and change to be easier, faster, and more sustainable.
We’ll also look at the secret parts of you that you may still have kept in hiding. The secret talents and strengths. The secret qualities that describe you and only you. Those gifts that you are here to bring to the world. And those secrets, when unearthed, are what allow you to be more whole.
Not more busy, not more stressed, not more anxious. You are allowed to recreate yourself and that is allowed to be easy. Welcome to Allowed. Now let’s begin.
Hey guys, it’s Caneel. So many of you out there, I already know. You’re my friends, my community, my clients, my family, and I cannot tell you how much I’ve appreciated your support in getting this podcast on the air and live. Creating this podcast has been probably the most fun thing that I’ve done in years and it has involved so much.
I’ve learned about how to adhere panels to my walls. I have learned about different types of foam and glue. You have no idea how many cables and cords exist in the world. I think I own about a third of them and Amazon is now my new best friend. I am just really thrilled that you’re here and I can’t wait to learn more from you. So please open up iTunes and start scribbling some notes to me. Things that you are wanting to hear. Pop it into the review. I read all of those and this show is for you.
This show is here to be not just a place to learn or hear about somebody else’s stories. This is an experience where you’re going to get to learn about you and you’re going to get to learn what has been your story so far. The biggest transformation I want you to have is to realize how fully and completely that you are the star of your own life, the star of your own story.
You’re not just the star, you’re also the writer, the director, the casting director, and the producer. So let’s get busy together and dig really deep in and start doing some exercises where we can learn together, learn from the best coaches in the world, learn from clients of mine, some of whom are super famous leaders in technology and in startups and some of whom are just secret hidden gems who have such incredible gifts to bring. And then some are my personal friends. Maybe even you.
For those of you who don’t know me, I can’t wait for us to get to know each other. I’ll share a little bit about me so that you know who’s here on the other end rooting for you. Like I said, my name is Caneel Joyce. I’ve had a super windy road to get where I am today and all of those bends and twists and turns in my career where I came from, being an actress to being a startup leader, to breaking from that, going to get a Ph.D., becoming a professor at the London School of Economics, learning that that’s not really the career path for me and seeing my whole body really rebelling against that path.
And then I twisted right on back into a startup, got acquired, began consulting, working with startups on growth from the inside and out, including their user base. And now I am a coach. And every twist and turn on that path has been me uncovering a new secret that I had been keeping from myself and from the world.
And why did I keep these secrets? Why did I keep these gifts, these talents, these ways that I can bring joy and value to the world? Why did I keep them hidden? I didn’t like them. I didn’t love them and I sure did not think that you would. I was hiding, but my journey has been about continually being in devotion to reclaiming my own wholeness. And that’s what brings me here on this podcast, chatting with you.
There’s nothing more important to me than for you to know all of yourself and in knowing it, so deeply, to love it. Because it is lovable.
The other day a client told me after a very powerful session that he realized he’d had a whole entire half of his personality, half of his gifts, that he was leaving at home and then suddenly he wasn’t at home anymore because his company took off like crazy and now he’s raised hundreds of millions of dollars and life is pretty busy and he realized there’s this whole part of him that really could be the secret to him leading in a super sustainable, very inspiring and iconic way.
And I was so moved when he said these words, “I will never leave any part of myself on the table again.” Ugh, this is what I want for you.
There are so many leaders, both at home. Leaders at home, leaders in our communities, leaders in companies and organizations that are facing authentic crisis. Existential stuff I’m talking about. I’m talking about marital problems, deep depression, anxiety, full-body burnout, adrenal fatigue, addiction, and they’re creating, without trying to, slightly toxic, or sometimes very toxic cultures around them.
This culture spills out and it has impact not only on those that we work with, but it has impact on the planet. I’ve got three causes that I really stand for and I want to share them with you so that you can understand what I’m trying to do here and why it matters so much to me and the part that I think that you can play. I really invite you to get on board with us being in this mission together.
Part one of my mission is to reverse climate change. This is possible and what’s fascinating is that the research shows there’s not one solution. In fact, if we only pursue one solution, we will never solve this problem. We can only reverse climate change when we literally have hundreds of solutions from all different types of leaders, entrepreneurs, change-makers in the world. Everybody has a part to play.
And what’s super cool about that is that we, if we use our unique gifts to play that part, we can be part of that change. This is something that’s going to impact the world for the rest of the Earth’s life. We created the problem and we can also create the solution.
My number two most important cause is supporting women and girls. Obviously, I’m a woman and I was born a pretty feisty feminist from a very young age. But what’s also awesome is that all of this research that’s been done on reversing climate change has found that the number one lever that we have for reversing climate change is, you got it, it’s supporting women and girls.
When we support women and girls, we experience tons of benefits in terms of lowering our carbon footprint, becoming less consumer-oriented, wasting less, treating the earth with greater care.
So bringing women out into the light, into public life. Really, really valuing women for all of the roles that we play. That is super important to me and it’s super important to my mostly male client base.
One of the things I love about working with the people that I work with is just this tremendous openness and willingness to be allied with all of humanity. So if that’s you, you are totally in the right place and your gender has nothing to do with that.
My number three most important cause is supporting entrepreneurs and artists and change-makers in having greater access to creative and entrepreneurial opportunities.
So whether you are drawing and painting at home with your daughter at the breakfast table in the wee hours of the morning or you are creating a company that has the next key to having us use sustainable energy sources, either way, you are a leader that I want to support, raise up and challenge.
I am here to challenge you. To bring forth what I know is possible for you. And then my biggest challenge to you is this can be fun. In fact, if it’s not fun, we’re not really there yet.
There’s a reason why so many of us have tried so hard to grow in so many ways and we just push and push and push ourselves only to find ourselves still at the end of the day burnt out and unfulfilled. There is a completely different way to support your own growth, change, and transformation, and these are the secrets I will share with you today.
If what I’m sharing is turning you on and you’re feeling even the slightest bit curious, then you’re in the right place. I’ll tell you a little bit about what this podcast is going to offer you, but I’m going to keep it brief because you’ll be here for the ride and I want to dive right in soon.
So first, this podcast is going to help you reclaim your wholeness. The wholeness that is your birthright. And it’s going to invite you and guide you in stepping into your Zone of Genius. And I’ll be right there on the ride with you.
Second, it’s going to help you enjoy what it’s like to be fully alive, living in your soul’s true essence and bringing all of yourself into each and every moment. This is sometimes called living up to your full potential but without all of the pressure and baggage.
Now, how are we going to do that? We’re going on a journey together. I will share some tools, practices, concepts, and frameworks that I also share with my highest-end clients. My clients often say after a coaching session, “we really should have recorded this session. People could benefit from hearing this session.” And I want to bring that stuff to you.
We’re going to do hands-on exercises. This is not just a podcast, it’s an experience. So I’ll be your partner and I’ll share with you how the journey you are on is the same journey that I’m on, which means there will be moments where I’m stepping into some vulnerability with you and sharing you as my trusted fearless audience. Some of the things that are really at my own growth edge. The questions I’m asking, the struggles I’m facing, the challenges I’ve experienced, and the ways I see myself getting in my own way still. As well as my successes and the successes of my clients.
And you’re going to write to me and tell me about your own successes so that we can all inspire each other. I’m really building a community here. You will also get to hear the personal stories of growth, change, challenge, and triumph.
I have some amazing guest speakers, some of whom are the world’s top coaching talent. I am fortunate to be connected with so many of the greatest coaches and experts and trainers in the world and you’ll get to talk to them right here.
Some are authors, some of my guests are secret gems who live private lives that they’re willing to step in and share with you. Some are leaders at the top of some of the world’s most innovative organizations today, including some mission-driven organizations and some creative-driven organizations that I really care about.
Plus, some leaders that really break the mold and redefine what is possible for all of us. These are people that you may know or you may not know how to access, but you’ll have access here. I’ll also be giving you hands-on exercises that I have designed for you to be able to do on your own wherever you are listening to this podcast.
Sometimes I’ll even ask you to grab a pen and paper. I’ll also be providing downloadable tools, worksheets, and sometimes guided exercises on videos so that when you’re sitting down to do this personal self-discovery work and really stretching yourself, I’ll be right there with you as your personal coach guiding you through the exercises, supporting you to stay on track, and providing a little bit of a time barrier around it so that you can get through it and count on yourself.
And know that you’ll get to the other side. I know sometimes when I sit down to do personal work, my fear comes up because I know I’m about to learn something. I don’t know what it is and it can be a little confronting sometimes. So what I’ve always craved is for somebody to be there at my side and yet I don’t have a coach on staff permanently, so I want to be that coach for you.
So, this is an invitation for you, an offering for you to prepare to be inspired, prepare to be called forth and challenged, prepare to have your head a bit scrambled sometimes and your mind bent and think. For us to see things in a way that we’ve never seen them before. There is a completely different entry point to the growth that we are wanting.
Most especially, I want you to see yourself in a way that you’ve never seen or experienced yourself before. From this moment forward, your life is your choice and you’re the leader of your own life and on Allowed, we’re going to explore some specific topics I think you’ll find really, really interesting that have really changed the way that I see life and have changed the lives of a lot of my clients and friends.
So one is discovering your own unique Zone of Genius. Even if you think you don’t have any gifts, I can see them in you. I believe in you and I will help you to really see them and believe them yourself.
Then we’ll work together to figure out how are you going to use them. We’ll also cover topics like getting into your shadow, the parts of yourself that you hide or that you push down and repress. This is where a lot of your greatest gifts are going to lie.
We’ll also explore burnout, culture building in organizations, relationships of all kinds, personal, professional and otherwise, your relationship to yourself, accountability, creativity, goal setting, how to perform better in any situation, how to stay in flow longer, and so many other topics that are rad, many of which have been specifically requested by you. So let’s jump right in.
One of the biggest secrets of the mega-successful is that they know how to grow in a way that is much more powerful and also much easier. That leads to sustainable change. So most of us tried to make our lives better by “efforting”, by improving ourselves or learning something.
We often, as soon as we identify what we think is a “problem”, we rush in and look for, “what’s the solution? Give me the steps so that I don’t have to feel or experience or know about this problem anymore. I just want the steps. Walk me through it. One, two, three and help me make this problem go away.”
We get super busy.
We look at what can I do different or better, harder, faster, more or what can somebody else do different, better, harder, faster, more. We’re so quick to go into blaming and judging and criticizing ourselves, others, or the systems around us. Most of us in this process get so busy that we are too overwhelmed with a bunch of work to be able to sustain this plan.
Also, guess what? A lot of what we’re trying to become isn’t really what we want to become. Secret: Without willingness, there is no change. So we’ll be doing a lot of work on; how do I find my willingness to do the things I most want to do? How do I find my courage now? What creates all of this busy-ness? All of this doing?
We’re approaching change from a very specific state of being, so if I’m being super busy, I’m going to be having a lot of activities that I’m involved in. Probably not being super present, probably being pretty self-flagellating and self-critical, probably feeling like a victim of my own life and my own shortcomings or of those who are keeping me down.
These are all what’s called my “Ways of Being”. My way of being is what creates all of this doing. From that place of being, I’ve created these steps in these situations that typically are not giving me the results that I want.
So we have much higher leverage here, instead of looking at what could I do differently, looking at how am I being right now that’s creating what I’m doing, that’s creating the results that I’m experiencing in my life. The higher leverage move is to look at if I’m being this way and that’s giving me these results, how could I be slightly different and where am I willing and interested in being slightly different?
Where am I ready to finally make that change? The change that would lead easily to a completely new agenda, a completely new way of doing that would come naturally because most of us just follow the path of least resistance in our lives, which also looks like a lot of effort, but it’s what comes more automatically. Sustainable change follows the path of least resistance. So I find a, something about my way of being that I’m willing to shift on.
For instance, I decided to shift out of burning myself out. That was a multi-year shift that involved addressing a lot of fears and belief systems and ways of treating myself. But that shift in, I’m not going to be burnt out anymore. THAT led to a life that is filled with creativity and bringing my gifts to many more people who benefit from them, but I also feel completely different in my body.
I feel alive. The colors are brighter, I feel more pleasure just day to day and I get way less worked up and triggered. You know, for instance, I just got back from a trip to Canada where I gave two back to back trainings and flew right back the next day and I wasn’t stressed at all and the me that I was three or four years ago would have been in knots the whole time and then when I came back I would have just completely collapsed and crashed.
So this was a shift in my way of being that led to a different way of doing things. It led to a different way of preparing, a different way of creating offerings that was in support of that way of being for me.
And the result has been much easier success, easier scale, easier impact, way more fun, way less stress, which means that at the end of the day, I am more available to connect with my kids, myself, my community, my husband. I hope you’re getting that the leverage is in the being and not the doing.
Do you ever feel like there are some weeks where you can’t even remember what happened between Monday and Friday? It was such a rushed routine that it just faded into the distance. You wake up on Friday and think, “what day is it? How did I get here? Did another week already go by?”
We know that we were busy and we did a lot, but we don’t really feel any better and we don’t know what impact we really had, but we knew we checked off a lot of things on our list. So on this podcast, my goal and my approach is not to give you a bunch more stuff to do.
I’m very, very selective in giving homework. I’m not a huge fan of having homework myself. I’m kind of allergic to it. I only want you to be doing the stuff that is going to be fun and interesting for you. So really listen to your desire and your curiosity here and make your own calls.
But the things that I give you, you’re going to have big realizations in a short amount of time because you will be doing them in a very hands-on way and they’re going to be focused on your way of being and how can you identify a little shift that you’re willing to make. One little shift in the way of being changes everything. You don’t have to change all of your way of being.
Just find one little thing.
Secret number two; the Change Formula. I learned the Change Formula from an amazing and remarkable coach. She was one of the founders of the Conscious Leadership Group and her name is Diana Chapman. I don’t think she came up with it. It’s broadly used and it is one of the most powerful tools I know, and here’s the Change Formula.
First, you’ve got to get that humans in general, not just you, not just me, we all are going to resist change. We like things to stay the same. It feels safe. It feels familiar. We’ve already adjusted to it, and change takes energy, right? We tend to stay in inertia and our life stays in the same way that it is, which is good news and bad news.
If you love your life, awesome. If you’re feeling unfulfilled – you’re stuck and it’s time to change. But why haven’t you changed yet?
You’re not willing.
I know that might not be easy to hear, but if you understand what I mean by willingness, you might find that that’s true for you. So when I’m genuinely willing to do something, probably I am already doing it. It means that I’m that motivated, that I’m in action now in this now moment.
And if I’m not willing, I might still want the thing, I might still want to learn about it, but I am keeping myself stuck in a variety of ways. One is I might not really want the change as much as I think I do. I’m just trying to convince myself.
Another one is I think I’m not allowed to change in that way. I’m afraid there are roadblocks. And that’s a lot of stuff to overcome in order to change. And I know, certainly, for myself, it took a while before I found a form of exercise that I was really willing to stick with and it needed to be fun and pleasurable for me, for me to make it sustainable.
I never really found the willingness to stick with going to the gym. But I found stuff I love doing and that is what works for me. So you probably can relate to this in some area of your life. So think right now, what’s something in your life that you’ve been wanting to change for a long time, but if you really admit it, you just weren’t willing to make that change?
And there’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, it’s awesome. Tapping into your own willingness is a huge leverage point for identifying what you really, really want in life. It’s also the beginning of a thread that if you pull it hard enough, you’re going to identify your unique Zone of Genius.
So right now I want you to give yourself permission to say, “I don’t want to”. The most powerful words in the world. “No, I don’t want to.”
And can you do that without judging yourself at all? Practice. I don’t want to. Say it a few times. I don’t want to. I just don’t want to. I don’t want to right now. I don’t want to yet. I don’t want to that way. I just don’t want to.
Okay. Now we’ve practiced some of those power words. Let’s get back to the Change Formula. I’ve outlined a little bit of this and I’m going to give you the formula itself. If you think about this mathematically, for me to overcome my resistance to change and to become, to flip into willing to change, I need to have three things.
One, I need to have vision, I need to have a vision, so clear and specific and compelling that it just lights my body on fire. I want it. I remember a few years ago in my career I realized I don’t want to do anything where the words describing the thing isn’t sexy to me. I felt like if it’s not sexy to me, it’s a pretty good indication that on some level I don’t really want to do it.
It’s going to become hard. I’m going to start breaking agreements accidentally and not going to do that well. So “vision” is that. It’s that it really taps into your body in that way and it really calls forth your creative energy. So think about what really turns you on.
Now, if there’s something that you do want to change and you’re not having that feeling, then you can get busy with your vision. You can create a vision board. You can visualize it in your mind. You can ask a friend, “Hey, can we flesh this out?” I want to see how far I can push this vision.
Sometimes we’re not turned on because we haven’t pushed it far enough. We’ve been playing small in our own heads, and so, of course, we don’t want to change. There’s nothing there for us. There are no goodies at the end of that rainbow.
So make that vision really clear, really compelling, and listen to your body; it will guide you. The second thing you need in order to overcome resistance to change is you need discomfort. We don’t like discomfort. We don’t like it. We want to avoid it.
That’s a good thing because the more uncomfortable we are, the more willing we’re going to be to get out of those circumstances we’ve created that are making us so uncomfortable. So part of the way that we as coaches help you to become more uncomfortable is we challenge you to see the things that you don’t want to see. These might be things about yourself, your own way of being, your own way of doing.
They may be having you face some realities in your life that have been scary to face and when you’re uncomfortable enough and you’ve multiplied that discomfort by your vision, now we’re looking at a really mighty force that will help you become willing to change.
Let’s just say I am so scared and I need just a little extra juice and I keep backsliding. That’s when I add support. Support can look like a million things. It can look like me deciding I’m going to skip my run on Saturday morning and I’m going to sleep in. It can also look like I’m going to hire a great therapist or a coach. I’m going to read 10 books this year that are things that I really enjoy learning about. I’m going to decide that once a month I’m going to meet up with a friend and we’re going to go to a museum together.
Any kind of support.
But, you know, in particular, I find it is really useful to find a human to support you. You can certainly be that human for yourself, but it’s important, these days especially, to be willing to reach out to others for support.
So the community that we’re building here, and you can connect to that community on the Facebook group, is here to support each other. Like that’s the commitment of being part of that community; that we’re here to support each other because a little bit of support can go a long way.
With support, I can become more self-aware and feel safer, calmer, more self-regulated, and less stressed out while I’m going through this change process. And that is huge.
So again, the change formula is “vision x discomfort + support = willing to change”.
If those numbers are too low I’m stuck in resistance. So, welcome to the human condition. But I know that you’re here because you want things to be different.
Another thing we’ll be doing here is really getting clarity on what are the results that you want most. What is the life that you are dying to create for yourself?
When our vision is really clear and compelling and connected to our body’s desire to make it real, there’s hardly anything that we can’t overcome. So great coaches help provide clarity, but the clarity comes from you, which is what’s so cool about this podcast format because I’m maybe not physically with you right now, but I also don’t even need to know anything about your content to help guide you through a process that I have seen time and again can help create more clarity.
Another thing we’ll be doing is we’re gonna focus on getting more comfortable and more willing to get uncomfortable. Part of willingness to change also comes from this current reality of mind. I have become so aware of it and the results of it and the negative impact on me and everybody else that I’m now truly uncomfortable enough that I’m willing to do some scary stuff. And to face some demons and to move into a different way of being.
Once you get practiced at this, it becomes almost addictive. Like it is so fun to clean stuff up. Once you clear out one thing and then you find the next, you know, the next rotting Apple in the refrigerator drawer way in the back and like, “Ooh, I want to get rid of this too.” And then you get rid of it and you say, “Oh, like look at the bottom of this shelf. I want to clean that up. Well, I’m going to get some fancy paper and make it pretty.” And you get on a roll, right?
So that’s the process that I expect for each of you and I can’t wait to hear how it goes. And I’m going to be doing this stuff right along with you.
All right, so this is a show about leaders. And no matter what you think your title is, what others call you in the world, what you’ve got on your LinkedIn profile, or how many Instagram followers you have.
It doesn’t matter. You are a leader.
Why are you a leader? Even if you don’t realize it yet, it’s because you are the leader of your own life. And I really think that the journey of being alive from birth to death is the journey of realizing that we are the creators of our own lives. We are the only leaders. Yes, things happen, but we make the choices about how to respond.
One of my favorite pieces of leadership wisdom is to follow the Frank Sinatra School of Leadership. And if you’re a Frank fan, you know how to do this. It’s “Do Be Do Be Do”. So it’s not just about the doing, it’s about the being; this “Be Do Have” process.
I learned this process with an amazing community of coaches and trainers and culture builders that I’m part of and it’s called Evolution. And the “Be Do Have” process is the foundation of a lot of work that we do at Evolution together.
We all bring our independent businesses and clients in together and then we support each other in our own personal growth and in our professional growth. And then we get to collaborate on stuff. It’s really cool to be working with people who share my values and are on a similar mission that I am. I’ve learned and been up-leveled so much by that community and I’m really grateful. So you’ll be getting to meet many of the awesome coaches that I work with there and get to benefit from their coaching skills.
Now it’s the time in our episode to begin our hands-on exercise.
This exercise is designed so that you can do it anywhere. You can do it commuting, you can do it hiking through the woods. You can do it while doing the dishes. But please do it in a way that you’re giving yourself a little bit of space to dream. This is the “Be Do Have” process.
We’re going to begin by looking at how are you being in general right now. So I’m looking at my own life and I think, well, in certain times I’m still being busy. That’s a pattern and when I’m busy, I’m stressed. Also, I’m being creative, I’m being abundant, I’m being focused, I’m being at ease, I’m being energized and I’m being calm. And then sometimes I’m also being exhausted, overwhelmed, and under-exercised. Sometimes I’m being lonely and sometimes I’m being overstimulated by so much social activity.
So think about this for yourself.
If you look at your life now and zoom back with the camera like you’re watching yourself as a player in a play. How’s that play? How are you being? You can do this on paper too, and if you want to slow it down, just hit pause as you’re writing your responses to this, but this is designed so that you can do it from anywhere.
All right? Now you’ve identified a few ways that you’re being. Look at each of those ways when you’re being that way – what do you end up doing? So, I know for instance, when I am being busy, I end up interrupting people. I end up avoiding exercise and I end up sitting in a chair a lot. When I’m being abundant, I end up giving, I end up enjoying, I end up smiling, laughing, and moving around my office almost like I’m dancing.
I ended up singing a lot in the kitchen, which is one of my favorite things to do. And I ended up letting my kids make bigger, more creative messes and start projects that don’t really have an end. So what are the ways in your life that you’re being right now and how are each of those leading you to do specific activities?
Now we’ve covered the “Be” and the “Do” of right now (Time 1). This is not how we want it to be, but how it is. It’s grounded in reality.
Now here’s where things are just going to start getting really real. Let’s look at how what you’re doing is leading to certain results. This is awesome because this is a place that we get to find out how powerful we truly are and look at how we are actually creating our own lives, whether we mean to or not. It’s also called taking 100% responsibility for what we can control – our own actions – right? Our own choices.
So looking at each of these ways of doing, what are the results that that way, that that thing you’re doing, is creating. So when I interrupt, especially my husband, it creates hurt feelings and tension. It also creates me sulking around because I’m sad about that.
When I’m doing the things that are coming from my sense of abundance; like I’m doing art with my kids, we’re making big like piles of Legos that keep changing shape but don’t go away for weeks on end, we are, we’re making meals together, and we’re singing.
But what are the results I’m having there? Well, the results are a messy house sometimes that brings me a lot of joy, more color in my life, more movement in my body, more hugs. And it’s also giving me the results of when I come back to work the next day, I notice that my head is clearer. So, one of the results is enhanced creativity and success at work.
So you’re looking at what are you doing and what results is that creating in your life for you and others? Awesome. Find one of those results that you really, really are done with. You would love to not have that result anymore. Like, I would love my busy-ness not to lead to me avoiding exercise, not to lead to me, you know, to not being as strong as I could be or as firm or fit or whatever.
And I’m actually truthfully, at that point, I’m really ready to shift. It’s gone too far and I’ve been prioritizing a lot of awesome stuff at work, like building this podcast studio and being here with you, and I know that I’m going to be much better for it if I shift that pattern and give myself the gift of being more fit and more energized.
So I’m going to focus on that one for myself and you pick one result that you want to focus on. Got it? Okay.
Now imagine if you didn’t have that result and if the result instead was totally mind-blowingly, champagne popping awesome. The best thing you can ever imagine. Even better than you can ever imagine. What would it look like?
Oh my gosh, this is so fun to dream about.
So I would love to be as strong as I was like right before I got married where I felt like my body was so aligned and centered, where if I was sitting up straight all day long I didn’t have any tension or pain anywhere, and where I could lift anything and not have any concern at all that I’d hurt myself or get my back thrown out. And I also really miss when my kids would run and jump at me and I was able to catch them in mid-air and I’m not there right now.
I also really liked it when my clothes fit me a certain way. It was more comfortable and I really am not a huge fan of shopping, so I don’t want to go buy more jeans. I want the ones I have to be comfortable and I don’t want to have to unbutton them at the top.
So these are some results that I want, but if I really think of what would be amazing is that that was actually a fun process of getting there. That I’m eating delicious food and I am doing exercise that just brings me joy, like just as much joy as dancing on the dance floor.
In fact, maybe that’s how I’m going to get there. And also that, for some reason, I reach a level of strength I’ve never reached before and it gives me access to doing new activities and being better at them. I think I’d be a much better surfer, for instance, if I regained that alignment and flexibility and core strength.
Okay. So now I’ve envisioned a really vivid future that is awesome. That sounds so awesome to me. My day would look like I am waking up, picking up my kids, snuggling with them. I’m bouncing somehow. I don’t know why I’m envisioning now that I’m bouncing through life. And I come to work, and then at my break, I head out there, I get my wetsuit, I jump in the ocean because the ocean is right across the street from my office and I surf for a few minutes and just enjoy being alive. And then I come back, and I go home, and my jeans are comfortable and… Wow. Like that’s a great dream for me.
Truthfully, this can be about anything. I did this when I was looking at why am I not making any content, I want to be making so much content. I have so many ideas I want to write. I’m feeling so creatively constipated and yet I keep seeing I want to, but yet I’m not doing it. And so I realized I needed to make a lot of big shifts.
I needed to do things really differently. I needed to shift how I was spending my time in a really dramatic way. I needed to change offices. I needed to learn a lot of technical skills I didn’t have before. I needed to hire new people.
I had a lot of things I needed to do differently to get to this place that I had envisioned where I’m sitting in a really cool looking little apartment and it’s private and quiet. And I’ve got two of my awesome staff members right here with me, Alayna and Heather, looking at me on a screen, “hi guys.”
And it is all really supporting me and showing up in my own Zone of Genius where this feels pretty easy to me, actually. So much of the planning part and putting things in order has happened through these other incredible people. And these are things they’re super strong in. So I really wanted it to be easy, but I was willing to make a lot of changes in my way of doing. And now, the result is this podcast is live.
I hope that you’ve envisioned something that is so juicy that you just can’t wait to get there. And you’ve found, What some of the things that you’ve been doing that have led to different results.
Now let’s, let’s back up. So we now have our vision, and the results that we want. That’s our “Have.” And that’s for Time 2. That’s for the future. What would you need to be doing at Time 2 to create those results? What would you need to be doing?
What actions might you be taking to create and sustain that change? And I want you to be looking here for what are the actions that you want to do. So don’t eliminate things like delegating, enlisting support, doing it a different way, doing it at a different level, doing it in a different environment. Just be really, really open-minded.
What might you be doing that’s different to create that different result? Okay, now look at that. How would you need to be doing all those things that is different from how you’re being right now? You might be able to list 10 different things such as – I need to be fearless instead of scared. I need to be willing to make mistakes. Instead of being a perfectionist, I need to be uninhibited. Instead of shy, I need to be available. I need to be not overbooked. I need to have free time on my calendar, and I need to be open, available, and calm.
So I’ve just identified a ton of Ways of Being that I might want to shift on. It doesn’t mean I do want to shift on all of these things. But, now I’ve got a list I can look at and I can say, where’s my leverage point? What’s one of these ways of being that actually sounds really appealing?
It’s probably something that you’ve been working on that you’ve now realized would have an impact in many, many, many areas of your life. It might even be your “white whale”. But I do courage you here to just start with, “let it be easy”. As my dear friend and coach, Miriam Meima, always says, “let it be easy”. So, what’s that “Be-Level Shift” that you’re genuinely interested in making?
Now that you’ve actually identified it; some shift you’re willing to make from where you are now to where you want to be. How are you going to get there? That’s where we apply the Change Formula. What I encourage you to do is to begin envisioning yourself. This is the vision part of the Change Formula.
Envision yourself as that new and slightly different person with a different way of being. How is he moving through the world? What is her posture? What are their laughs like? How are they talking? What does it feel like in their body when they’re being this different way – when you’re being this way? What does it look like?
Really envision it. Feel it.
Try to engage all five senses. I have a picture in my mind of me on horseback and I’m riding through the plains in Colorado and I can feel that. I can feel what that would feel like on that horse. I can sense how that person who is so strong and centered would hold herself, hold her body, hold her spine upright but yet relaxed, and I can smell the grass. And I can smell like that cool smell of the snow melting and the mud is there and like life is beginning to buzz back up again.
And I’ve got all of my senses involved in that vision.
And I want it. I want it. I want that.
And so that’s my compelling vision. That helps motivate the shift in how I’m being.
The second piece is how can I get uncomfortable? I want to really amp up the discomfort and, trust me, this is one where there’s so much leverage and we hardly ever use it. So how can I get super uncomfortable with my way of being now? Busy, right? So one thing I can do is I can just look at what I’ve already created here.
I can look at all of the impact of my being busy. What are all the different ways that that impacts my life? And this is just me increasing self-awareness. But secondly, I can tap into feedback. I can ask people. I can say, what’s it like for you when I’m busy? What do you notice as the results that I’m creating? How does that affect the world around me? How does that affect others? How does it affect my company? How does it affect my family, my home, and my body?
I can also get uncomfortable by imagining it at its worst and taking on the physical posture of what I’m like in my body. Then I feel my shoulders going, and my hands get tense. I’m kind of squeezing in my elbows. My breathing gets short and I can make that even bigger. I can tense even harder. I can feel as uncomfortable as possible in that position to help me want to get out more.
And then I can give myself the contrasting experience of what would it be like to be spacious and abundant in my life. Like really, really spacious. Ah, that feels much better.
So these are a lot of different tools that you can apply. And the key here on this show, we’re focused on not numbing out, not avoiding discomfort. We’re here to invite both vision and discomfort and to have the support of this time on your calendar, this weekly space, as well as have a community of your peers – of people who care about and want very similar things to you and who are going to show up for you.
So we’re going to “Do”. We’re going to work the Change Formula hard here. We’re going to boost up the vision. We’re going to amp up the discomfort. And we’re going to support each other through it so that we can become willing to change at the “Be-Level”.
This is the biggest secret that the mega-successful and the mega fulfilled know – they know how to change and how to grow. And you are allowed to change. You’re allowed to recreate who you are. You’re allowed to recreate your way of being, and it is your choice of how you want to be next.
Thanks for playing today. This was super fun to be with you and I can’t wait to hear what you got from this exercise. So please go onto iTunes, or Spotify, or Overcast, or your platform of choice and leave a review and let us know what you got from this episode.
And please ask a question, give some feedback, help me learn how to make this show even better for you – a lot of the topics here are actually driven by what you request. So make a request. Ask and you shall receive. Don’t ask, don’t get.
Also remember, go to caneel.com/podcast. There you will find some freebies and some tools that are there for you. You’ll find worksheets to guide you through the exercise that we did today, which will help you set some intentions around a “Be-Level Shift” that you might want to be working right now.
Part of this worksheet is the areas of your life that are most important for you to lead in. Another tool for you to support you in your journey.
Next week on episode two, we’re going to get into how to stop getting triggered. You know, what being triggered feels like – that time where you snap, you can’t handle anymore, you blank out. And we have a lot of opportunities to get triggered around the holidays because nothing is more triggering than being confronted with the same realities again and again.
And we often find that experience in our families. We bring it home and we all get to trigger each other. It’s how we grow together, but it can also be a really unpleasant and unproductive experience. And I’m going to teach you about some tools for how you can use getting triggered as a personal growth tool and how to not get triggered so easily.
Please follow us on social and also we have our Facebook group. As I mentioned, this is our community. This is where we’re going to support and show up for each other and there you can send me questions and I can answer them live. I can also answer them on the show. Please subscribe, rate us and review us on iTunes.
This is our pilot. We’re a new podcast and already we’ve received so many awesome ratings and that helps us a ton in getting this show discovered. So think about how you want to talk about this show to bring in that community that you want to be here growing with you. We’ll see you next week for episode two.